I’ve learned that sometimes I have to tell myself and convince myself of things that aren’t entirely true in order to feel better. When I was in High School and my best friend was going off to college (she was a year ahead of me) she told me just to pretend like she was away at camp. Afterall, she’d be back home in two weeks for the weekend. So for the next school year, or at least until I was okay with the idea of her being so far away (ahem, two whole hours), I lived my life in short periods of 2-3 weeks, telling myself it was just camp.
Now, I’ve never had too much trouble being the one leaving. When I went to college it was no big deal, even though I went to a college that the majority of my friends didn’t go to. When I graduated college and even when I moved to California, I dealt with it fine. California was a little harder because of the distance, but it was my choice and my adventure. I convinced all my family and friends that “it was just one year,” then I’d be home and everything would be normal. I probably convinced myself of that too. I never intended to stay here. But suffice to say, I’d rather be the person doing the leaving. It puts me in control and who doesn’t like to be in control?
So right now is especially hard on me. My bosses/pastors are leaving in about two weeks. They’ll only be 3 hours away, but they won’t be here. To make matters worse, there will be new people here, replacing them. It’s the way it is with the SA, and I understand the reasons, but it sucks right now. So, I’ve been living in this state of denial about them leaving. If you know me at all, you know how attached I am and how much I like the Lowcocks. They’re like my surrogate parents, but it’s more than that too. So my plan right now is that since they normally go on vacation during the summer for a month, once they are gone, I plan to just pretend like they are on vacation. I’m not sure how to deal with the other people here, but maybe by the time my imaginary “vacation” is up, I’ll have grown used to them (I’m sure I will anyway. I hear they are nice folks).
Denial and pretending. I hear it’s the best way to deal with any problems.
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