I’ve realized over the past few months how impatient of a person I am sometimes. I’ve been working on it, but its funny how sometimes I get impatient with God because I expect something from Him, and I want it right then. I was patient for God to give me an answer I wanted. I submitted myself to His will. I put somethings in my life on hold. I chose God over worldy things like guys. And God gave me a very clear answer. Now sure, it took some time, but I remained patient for the most part during that time. Finally, this week, I did something else God has been asking me to do for a long time. I gave something up. Something I care about a great deal, but that wasn’t edifying my life. Something I don’t quiet understand, but I finally gave it. It felt good too. But here is the problem. Immediately I felt like I had done this great thing. Like I had given God everything he wanted, so I of course expected something in return. I expected to get the things I wanted. And, it’s not to say that I won’t. I know I will eventually. But tonight, I heard loud and clear from God, “I’m still not ready to give you these things. You need to be patient.” I was pretty annoyed actually. I told myself I wasn’t expecting anything, but deep down, I was. It’s kind of like when you mow the yard for your grandma or something. You don’t “expect” her to pay you for it, afterall, she’s your grandma. But you know that she will. And then, when that one time that she doesn’t, you feel let down and disappointed. You try not to, because after all, that wasn’t the deal. She didn’t say, if you mow my yard, I’ll pay you $5. You outwardly say you don’t expect it, but deep down, you do.
The Bible is filled with verses about God rewarding us for putting our faith in Him. It’s also filled with verses and stories about us having to be patient. I mean, Sarah was like 90 before she had her firstborn. Yeah, God said, I’ll bless you with a child, but did she really think she needed to wait that long. Of course not. And she got impatient too. I guess when I get like this, these times when I’m begging God to take something from me (as I have been for a while) or to give me something (as I always am), I try to remember the words of Paul. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).
So, I can acknowledge and accept my weakness, “boast” it even–my weakness of impatience–and know that even if I don’t get paid for mowing that lawn (i.e. pruning), that I still have the great reward of grace from God and eternal life in Heaven.
Yeah, I’ll still be looking to hit the “57″ on the side of Heinz bottle from time to time, but hopefully God will keep on reminding me that “good things really do come to those who wait.”
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